


Confusions

by CJSpooks



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: LiveJournal, M/M, tgs, topgearslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-29
Updated: 2011-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-28 19:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/311389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJSpooks/pseuds/CJSpooks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This a companion piece/sequel to "Distinctions." You don’t necessarily have to read that story first. All you have to know is that James and Jeremy are still dancing around their feelings for one another. Jeremy thinks Tiff is an obstacle in their inevitable course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confusions

Jeremy knew he didn’t have a crush on Tiff Needell. He already did the damn deed with the man years ago. It was a laugh, but nothing spectacular. They were both younger men then, with no grey hairs, no aches and pains and lots of stamina. They spent their days relaying facts—real facts—about the cars they drove. They spent their nights making up their own facts over beers and sweaty bodies.

If he really thought about it, he somewhat hated the man. His voice was grating, his movements on-camera were too bouncy. His walk seemed as if he were trying too hard to be manly. Sure, good ol’ Needell knew cars and could drive like a fiend, but he wasn’t a regular bloke like a Hammond or a May. He was too good to be true, a smiling poster on a wall, something better than you.

But what Jeremy hated the most about Tiff Needell was his smile. It was charming, sure, but you knew he shouldn’t be trusted when he smiled. See, the danger of being in the car while he did stunt driving was obvious. But with that devilishly handsome smile and the boyish charm turned up, you’d find yourself—with your eyes squeezed shut—willingly in the passenger seat as he does a handbrake turn with a reverse flick. Tiff’s borderline arrogance, extroverted personality, and handsome features made it too easy—and so wrong—to fall for him. But against your better wisdom, you’d fall anyway…and eventually, end up on fire.

*

If Jeremy just had to worry about himself and his own love/hate thoughts toward the man, it would be fine because he could stuff it down and carry on as if he didn’t care. And maybe rile up Tiff when he saw him around the Top Gear track, which was his territory and not Tiff’s.

But there was a problem.

James.

*  
It was because he wasn’t the only one that had known Tiff before. James was present at the tail end of the Old Top Gear and seemed to get on with him. They had what boffins called chemistry. Jeremy didn’t really like that. Having Tiff and James in the same place was like a meeting of past and present. It was an abomination to his sense of time. He didn’t like seeing them talking in hushed tones by the track. He didn’t like the look in James’ eyes when Tiff passed by. He didn’t like the laugh Tiff would adopt for James’ humor.

James said he was jealous to want them apart, which was true. But James was too thick too see that Jeremy didn’t want Tiff. No, Jeremy Clarkson wanted James May. And that was that. It was technically out there in dropped hints, which James hadn’t picked up.

Yes, he and James had gone to the pub together and talked, but had carefully avoided the subject of their feelings. James’ lingering attraction to Tiff coupled with his own to James got them nowhere. They left each other’s company that night with unresolved emotions that did not air themselves, which made for conflict and confusion all around. Because of this, they did not mention it again, bothering Jeremy more.

He was frustrated and angry and tired. Clenching his fist, he wished Tiff would suddenly appear so he could punch the smug bastard in the face.

On the other side of things, thoughts of James were threatening to drive his heart and mind insane. Even if by some miracle James had feelings for him, he would find Jeremy quite mental.

*

Eventually, he confessed to Hammond the thoughts and feelings swirling in his brain because he trusted him and needed someone to tell him what to do. Hammond thought it was “a bloody shame, mate” first off and really hoped James would see it so it could happen. He even offered to help push it along. Jeremy thanked him but refused, thinking that it would make it worse somehow, if it didn’t happen naturally (if it was supposed to happen at all). He put his face in his hands and wished Tiff would just stop showing up. The man was a nuisance. His presence caused confusion. If Tiff would just go back to Fifth Gear and stay there…maybe then it’d be better.

As if Richard had read his mind, the younger man shook his head. “Jez, you know that it’s not at all about Tiff, right?”

“But—”

“Tiff isn’t even in the equation, really. You’re just using him as an excuse for why you don’t confront James with your feelings, you idiot. James is available, but not the type of bloke that advertises the fact. If you spend time with him, you’ll both see that he really does like you… in that way. And then it will come together nicely.”

“I can’t. Bloody Tiff Needell is always around. I know James fancies him and I’m all confused!”

“James doesn’t know what he wants sometimes. He’s always been prone to indecision. If only you’d grow some man-sized bollocks and tell him how you feel, things would get moving. The only obstacle here is yourself.”

“You sound like a girly book.”

“I’m just trying to help. I want my two friends to be happy, alright. I know they can be if they just get it together.”

“Fuck. Why is it so complicated?”

*

Trying to make sense of Hammond’s wisdom, Jeremy moped all the way back to his flat. He sat in the dark and drank until his mind brought him images of James and Tiff at a pub having a good time, which lead them having a go in bed. He groaned and stood up slowly with the intention of getting into his own lonely bed; hoping unconsciousness would help him escape the thoughts. Before he could properly take a step, he heard a knock on the door.

“Sod off!” he bellowed, immediately regretting it.

“No,” was the reply.

Jeremy made his way to the door and opened it.

There stood James with a brown paper bag in his hand. “Hello,” he said.

“Why are you starting with hello?”

“I always start with hello.”

Jeremy wanted to grab him by the lapels, shut the door, and screw him senseless for that. James was so bloody brilliant.

Instead, he pointed to the bag. “What’s that, Slow?”

“I brought you some chips. I wanted to come over to—but er, well, I just brought you chips.”

“Oh. Come in.” Jeremy stepped aside to let James by. He wasn’t sure what to do next.

“Jezza—“

James just saying his name made him sure to burst. So he did. “I don’t want to upset you.”

James tilted his head. “Eh?”

“I don’t ever want to upset you, ever. But…I just have to tell you everything.”

“…Alright.”

“I’ve been waiting to tell you but I was too confused to say it right. I’d put up imaginary roadblocks blaming others for why I couldn’t just do it. I think it was genuine cowardice on my part. I had some stupid thoughts until you showed up here on my doorstep.” He sighed and continued, “Here goes. I don’t know if you already figured it out or even care, but I fancy you, May. Even more than that…love. You’re a shaggy pedantic spaniel that is both irritating and sexy. You’re too smart and too quiet sometimes. Even though what you talk about is boring, I want to listen to your voice all day. There are many little things I could list, but just know I do pay attention to you. I always have…But most importantly, I need you. I’m old and fat, broken and stupid. I need you to be with me and tell me I’m being all those things.”

For a moment, James didn’t respond to Jeremy’s admission. “Ah,” he managed to whisper as he looked interested in his shoes.

Jeremy immediately felt ashamed. He’d said too much too fast. “I’m sorry.”

“You haven’t upset me. Quite the opposite. Um, besides coming over here to bring you chips, I wanted to tell you that I realized I need you too. You’ve caused me constant irritation over the years. And for that, I’m actually glad. You are an amazing constant to have. You make the unbearable bearable and rubbish glorious, always. No matter what happens on the program or off, you’re there to put a hammer or a fire to it.” He finally met Jeremy’s eyes. “I rather like having you always there.”

Emotions finally resolved, both men grinned at each other until they erupted into laughter.

Jeremy wiped the happy tears from his eyes. “Brilliant, this.”

“It’s excellent.”

“So…what do we do now?”

The answer to the question came in the form of James wrapping his arms around him and kissing him without hesitation.

*

Pulling away only slightly, James questioned, “Are you still confused, you big daft cock?”

Jeremy smirked. “Some confusion lingers a bit.”

“Good. Show me to the bedroom and I’ll take that away at once.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to topgearslash comm on LJ on Jan 29, 2011.


End file.
